"Piperonal makes an excellent replacement for vanilla. It's also an effective lice killer. Let's see, it's a dessert flavoring and a head lice treatment, all in one. How convenient."

When I was a child in the 60s, summers in Phoenix were hot, but not unbearable. Thanks to the wide swaths of cotton and corn that grew on the outskirts of the city, and the expansive desert that seemed to stretch beyond the horizons, the heat of those brutally hot days always dissipated along with the setting sun.

We didn't have video games or computers, and some of us didn't even have color TV's, so the kids in my neighborhood usually spent their play time outdoors. There was a practical reason for this since no one I knew had central air conditioning. We relied on evaporative coolers instead. Everyone had their own technique for keeping cool during the day, like sneaking into the community pool without paying or opening the spigot on a fire hydrant. My approach was simple, but it had its drawbacks.

I would work up a tremendous sweat running barefoot across blistering pavement, so hot, that the heat waves alone could fry an egg. I then let my body's natural evaporative system cool me off. The drawback was that like the evaporative cooler in my home, this was an inefficient method that failed miserably when the humidity was high. What's worse, was that this method usually meant that I'd have to take a bath before bed.

There was, however, one guaranteed way to cool off that was even better than the occasional romp in the sprinkler. My mother didn't like to let my brother and me play in the water too often as we were bound to roll in the dirt afterward. The result was a bathtub ring that required an industrial sandblaster to remove. On days when the sprinkler was off limits and our plaintive cries over the unbearable heat reached up to heaven, that was when my mother made ice cream.

Old school ice cream
Our ice cream maker looked as if it might have been previously owned by Laura Ingalls Wilder. It was a large heavy bucket made of worn wooden staves that were held in place by rust colored metal rings. The bucket stood about two feet high, and held in it's center, a narrow stainless steel canister with a lid that was attached to a crank that extended from the lid over the side of the bucket. Through an ingenious system of gears, the crank animated a rod attached to a rotating paddle that extended through a hole in the lid, down into the steel canister.

Mom would start with a mixture of heavy cream, eggs, sugar, vanilla and, perhaps a few other ingredients which I can no longer recall. I recall this concoction would brew in a large cauldron on the stove for a short time before being poured into the steel canister. The space between the outer bucket and the steel canister was filled with alternating layers of cubed ice and rock salt. I was completely ignorant of the science at the time, but the rock salt caused the ice to melt into a freezing slush (at about 12 to 15 degrees) which absorbed the heat from the canister and caused the sweet liquid inside to freeze.

Making ice cream was hard work as someone had to turn the crank that animated the paddle, that agitated the liquid and enabled it to transform into cream rather than a solid block of frozen milk. It might take as long as an hour of bicep-busting labor to produce a container of cream. I generally did my best to avoid any and all opportunities to engage in manual labor, but making ice cream was the exception to my rule. I joyfully took my turn at the crank knowing that the return on the investment of honest labor would be well worth the effort. Perhaps this was but one of the ways my mother thought to instill in me, the strong work ethic that was the hallmark of her generation.

New school ice cream
I could not help but recall those days, so many years ago when my brothers, sisters and I put our shoulders to the crank for the noble cause of making ice cream. Most recently, the occasion for my reverie was our bi-monthly Sunday meal that features ice cream for desert. My how things have changed. Our ice cream maker today is a stylish, dainty little thing that weighs little more than two or three pounds and fits easily on a counter top. It has an inner double-walled canister that contains an anti-freeze solution. Fortunately, the anti-freeze in this case, is not actually in the ice cream. The canister is animated via an electric current (thank you Ben Franklin) that turns our milk into cream in as little as 20 minutes.

Our ingredients are simple: raw cream, cage-free eggs, raw honey and real vanilla. Sometimes we'll add crispy pecans, bananas, strawberries, or even crumbled home made brownies for a delicious, chocolaty rocky-road. The cream came from grass fed cows who've been eating the fast growing, nutrient dense grass of summer. When I took my first taste of this cream, I nearly swooned with pleasure. Here was the creamiest, smoothest ice cream I had ever eaten. Not even my mother's legendary creations could compare to this (sorry mom).

What is especially worth noting is that this delicious full fat, all natural ice cream was so rich and satisfying, that about half a cup was enough to satisfy my urge for the next two weeks. Talk about eating in moderation. I could never say that about the industrial ice cream I used to eat, not even the so called 'gourmet' ice creams. In those days, I could easily put away a quart in a single day. Store bought ice cream, especially the cheaper brands, was usually more ice than cream. The worst were the low fat versions which were sickeningly sweet and so icy that you practically had to chew them.

The dark side of ice cream
Many years ago on a fishing trip to the mountains, I was craving something sweet, so I went to the only store for miles around. It was a tiny establishment, nestled in the woods and stocked with nothing but junk food. The first thing I noticed was that the expiration dates, on practically every package I looked at, had passed at least six months ago in some cases. Perhaps, I mused, on the way up to the lake, I had crossed some unseen geographic border where adherence to expiration date regulations was no longer mandatory. Maybe here, in this Twilight Zone of expired junk food, sell-by dates were to be taken as suggestions rather than as regulatory directives. I finally settled on a package of ice cream bars, reasoning that they would be safest since they were frozen, and freezing preserves everything, right?

That might be true of wooly mammoths maybe, but I soon discovered that old ice cream can go bad - really bad. When I did a bit of research and found out what goes into industrial ice cream, I was appalled. I found that manufactures are not required to list all of the additives in ice cream. In fact, industrial ice cream can contain any of 25 different additives that never have to be listed among the ingredients. Some of these additives even have other, more interesting, uses.

Dietheyl Glycol is an additive used as a replacement for eggs. It functions as both an antifreeze and a paint remover. Piperonal makes an excellent replacement for vanilla. It's also an effective lice killer. Let's see, it's a dessert flavoring and a head lice treatment, all in one. How convenient. Got leather you want cleaned? Ethyl Acetate is what you need. It's used as a replacement for pineapple. When you want that nutty flavor, but don't want to trouble with the expense of real nuts, butyraldehyde, an ingredient in rubber cement, is just the ticket. The list goes on. Sodium carboxymethylcellulose is a bulking agent and a suspected carcinogen. Then there's azo dye, benzyl acetate, polysorbate 65 and 80, propylene glycol alginate, microcrystalline cellulose & well, you get the picture.

Why ask why?
If you're like me, you're probably asking yourself: Why? Well, since the human body has no metabolic requirement for lice killer, leather cleaner, paint thinner, or antifreeze, the reason must be that these additives benefit manufacturers, and in fact, that is exactly why they exist. They extend the shelf life of industrial ice cream, giving it the appearance of being fresh.

"Why don't they list these ingredients on the label," you ask? If you were an ice cream manufacturer, and you used these additives, would you list them?

"If manufacturers won't do the right thing, why doesn't the government require that these additives be listed?" Let's see if I understand the question. You're asking why don't political officials require campaign contributors to list ingredients on their own products that might scare customers away? Why ask why?

What can you do?
The simple answer would be to stop eating ice cream, but that would make for a rather bland and unfulfilling culinary life. If you must buy ice cream, seek out the most wholesome brands you can find. You'll have to do some research and maybe even have to call the manufacture's help line and inquire about any unlisted ingredients. Perhaps there's a local creamery in your area that uses real ingredients, better yet, DIYIC (Do It Yourself Ice Cream). These days, it's not hard. Home ice cream makers are dirt cheap and you can go from desire to satisfaction in 20 to 30 minutes. You can't drive to the store and back that fast. Finding a recipe is easy. The one we use is adapted from Sally Fallon's, Nourishing Traditions:

Ingredients:
3 cups cream (preferably raw, otherwise get the best quality you can find)
3 egg yolks**
1 teaspoon real vanilla flavor
2 tablespoons raw honey (use your sweetener of choice, although the more natural, the better) Follow the instructions that come with your ice cream maker.

* I use the best eggs I can find (organic or better). That means cage-free chickens with a varied diet, but remember, ice cream made from regular store bought ingredients is still better than eating lice killer and antifreeze.

The above recipe is pretty basic, so once you tailor to your particular taste, it's time to start experimenting. I like to dump in chunks of chopped strawberries at about the halfway point, when the cream has started to stiffen. If you've got home made brownies lying around & ok, that was a silly statement since no one leaves home made brownies lying around.

Make some home made brownies specifically for your ice cream. Crumble them up, and add them to the cream once it has started to set (or per your ice cream maker's instructions). It's delicious. Another great idea is to add crispy pecans. They make a wonderful butter pecan dessert. There's also an all natural brand of chunky peanut butter called Crazy Richard's (love that name for some reason). I've been tempted to try adding some to a batch of ice cream, but so far I've lacked the nerve. If anyone out there has a more reckless sense of adventure than I obviously do, let me know how it came out.

Once you start making your own ice cream, don't stop there, and don't forget to get the kids involved. There are many other snack foods and treats, you can make yourself that are superior to the flavorless, chemical laden convenience food found on most grocery store shelves. Also, keep an eye out for local artisans who make their own natural foods. It's another way to get the real thing, without all the additives and preservatives.

Ice Cream Survival Tips
Tip 1: Because home made ice cream doesn't have antifreeze in it, it will freeze hard after it has been in the freezer for a day or more. Don't panic, just store your ice cream in a shallow container, then take it out of the freezer and let it sit at room temperature for about five minutes before you're ready to serve it. You can also prime your ice cream scoop by setting it in a container of warm water before digging in.

Tip 2: Although real ice cream is very satisfying, if you're new to eating real food, you may still be tempted to overindulge because you haven't yet learned to recognize when you've had enough. If this is you, try this tip. Start with a small glass. Then fill half the glass with a fruit that goes well with ice cream (bananas, blueberries, strawberries, etc.). Top off the glass with ice cream. The fruit helps increase the perceived volume of cream while extending the sensorial experience of eating, all while reducing the amount of energy (calories) consumed.

Tip 3: Consider quality over quantity. That means, leave the industrial sized 5 gallon ice cream maker on the shelf, and get the small one instead. Use the best ingredients you can find. You will discover that you enjoy good quality ice cream more, but eat less of it.

Tip 4: Prefer soft serve? I hear you. Follow the instructions for tip one, but add a little milk (a very little) to your serving glass and stir with a spoon, or use one of those handheld blenders. Voila. Remember to read, think, and learn, so that you may eat well and have a more fruitful life. .................................................................................................................................
The information contained herein represents the sole opinion of the author and should not be construed as medical advice. Readers should consult with a knowledgeable medical care provider before beginning any new diet or exercise program.